


Complication of Time

by ProlixProse



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ANGSTY ANGST ANGST, Fluff, Little bit of angst, M/M, fluffy fluff fluff, i dont know what else to tag, this is basically all i write fluff and angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 00:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7991362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProlixProse/pseuds/ProlixProse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wished they could still take joy in the simple things; in the laughter of bubble blowing, the wonder of a ladybug floating to their fingertips, the delight at a puffy, cloudy sky. </p><p>Instead, time gave them this. It gave them ‘complicated’. The kind of complicated that ate away at your heart and stomach and chewed at the rationality of logic. The kind that gave you unbearable itches-- itches that quickly turned to urges and a feeling of confusion in the shower with whirling thoughts of brown eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Complication of Time

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't uploaded in a while. (And I should really, really edit this again, I'm always so iffy about my writing--) But I have a folder of stuff that I'm too shy to put here, so here is one of those things! Hope you enjoy and hope you have a lovely day~ (This is also the longest thing I've written here, oh my gosh, guys, I'm improving!)

Kei used to count clouds.

He’d shape them into shifting images, watching the sky swirl, on his walks home from school. His mind swept with eagerness, a small yearning in his gut to do the absolute best he could at whatever he wanted to do. Dreams and visions of one day being at the top, noted of his skills, swam in his head, caused a smile at his lips.

But then he learned. Reality hit him in the face as soon as his eyes traveled across the gym to find the lie his brother told. New thoughts clung to him. What was the use of trying too hard? He’d never be at the top.

That was fine. Didn’t make a difference.

He never liked kids his age much, even before he realized how irksome some of the hot-blooded types were. They were irritant, varying shades of selfish feelings and fabricated stories. But he didn’t mind Yamaguchi.

“Do you think it’s going to rain, Tsukki?” Tadashi trailed beside him, increasing his pace to keep up with Kei’s longer strides.

“Well, those are nimbus. They indicate rain, so it’s possible.”

Tadashi’s eyes lit up and he smiled wide, wide, wide. “That’s so cool! How do you know all this stuff?”

Kei scrunched his brows. “I don’t know a lot. I just read.”

Tadashi grinned. Kei had to look down to see the expression because of their height difference.

“You’re the smartest person I know, though.”

Kei shrugged. “Well, you don’t know many people then.”

Tadashi only hummed and Kei glanced at him from the corner of his eye, not knowing if he said something the wrong way. He never did.

“Yeah... I guess I don’t,” Tadashi muttered, then shifted, looking up with a sheepish expression.

“Sorry! I mean, um, well, I just-- People in our class are just different.” He smiled again, forced it. “Well, maybe there’ll be a lot smarter people in High School, huh? Might even beat you.”

“You really have so much faith.”

“And you have so little, Tsukki!” Tadashi laughed, bumping their shoulders. “But I am excited about next year, aren’t you? Just a little?”

“Sure.”

Tadashi only nodded, smiling. Always smiling, bright, bright, bright.

 

Kei often wished it was always that way between them. Innocent smiles and cloudy days. And usually, it still was. But with time came complexity and with it came communication problems and stormy weather.

A few first years ran past him as practice came to a close. Kei took a few gulps of water, wiped his face with his towel, wondered about his usual routine. He went through it in his head, timing when to get the rest of his homework finished and take a shower when he got home.

The night felt suffocating. It was only a week past summer break, and heat dispersed to the evening. He placed on his shoes and turned around for his bag.

“Heads up!” A hand slapped his back and pushed him.

Kei jumped forward, eyes wide, before looking behind him and shaking his head. He panted, clutching his chest.

“Did I scare you?” Tadashi smiled at him, pushing stray strands of hair from his eyes. He smelled like sweat.

“Shut up.” Kei gave him a small shove. “Move, you’re on my backpack.”

Tadashi began to walk ahead of him, edging out of the doorway and waving to their teammates. He chuckled, let out a small ‘sorry, Tsukki’ beneath his breath.

“I can’t believe it-- One of the first years came up to me asking about my serves! It feels so weird, them calling me captain. I just sometimes turn around and expect to see Ennoshita or even Daichi. I can’t believe it,” Tadashi began, his hands circling in front of him in large gestures.

“Whether you believe it or not, it’s still a fact.” Kei walked beside him, pushing up his glasses and smirking. “Captain.”

Tadashi cringed, laughing as he brought a hand to his forehead. “Don’t, Tsukki! Now it sounds really weird.”

Tadashi glanced at Kei, made an amused shake of his head, and walked in front of him, trekking backward.

“You’re gonna crack your head open walking like that.”

“No, I’m not,” Tadashi grinned, swaying a little as he continued to walk with his heels. “You know, they really like you, too! Well, one said you were a little scary looking, but I told them about the time you rescued that cat--!”

“I never did that. Stop making up lies.”

“Yes, you did! You gave it some shelter when it was raining for two weeks last season!”

“And then it ran off. Not much of a rescue. I just did what anyone would do when you hear a cat meowing at your door at five in the morning.”

“Well, regardless!” Tadashi waved his hand out in front of him. “You should teach them some techniques,” He said, peering at his friend.

Kei shrugged. “I don’t have a lot to teach them.”

“Of course you do! A lot of them look up to you!”

“It’s not as if they have much choice.”

Tadashi laughed and hugged his stomach, almost falling as he did. Kei reached forward, tugged the front of his shirt to keep him up. Tadashi stiffened, eyes shifting around Kei’s face. Then, a bubbling chuckle met his lips, eased the tension.

“Oops.”

“I told you. Now please walk like a normal human being.”

Tadashi nodded and hung his head in a dramatic motion. “You’re a normal human being.” He grumbled.

“I swear to god, Yamaguchi.”

They walked for a few more minutes. Tadashi watched as the sky grew darker. Watched the last traces of sunlight dipping into the houses that came across their view. Kei glanced his way, memorized his expression, felt his mouth dry.

He stopped himself, decided to focus on their footsteps. Focus on slowing the crescendo of heart beats in his chest. They were such a nuisance to a perfectly good thing.

“Do you think it’ll rain?”

Kei peered at him, then at the sky, arching a brow.

“In this season?” He huffed a short laugh. “Not even if Hinata grew five centimeters.”

Tadashi snorted. “Not even if Kageyama baked us all cupcakes?”

“Oh, please, we don’t need that.”

House lights lit the street and it was only a few houses more until Tadashi had to leave his side.

“Can I tell you something?” Tadashi scrunched his brows at himself and all Kei thought was, ‘Right now?’

“Sure,” He said.

Tadashi blinked, seemed unsure of what to say. Then, as their paces grew slower and his house came into view, he bit his lip, shrugged a shoulder.

“Forget it... Goodnight, Tsukki!” He smiled, and just like that, the moment was gone. Kei waved at him and placed his headphones on. Glancing at the corner of his eye, he made sure the other was inside before he began walking. But the curiosity ate at him. His mind wondering, wondering, wondering, what it was that made Tadashi seem distraught.

Maybe he shouldn’t have been so curious.

 

His theory of complicated time was right. Emotions became linked to it, just as the weather. And when emotions mixed with anything, it was never simple.

He wished they could be the kids counting clouds and dreaming of futures. Kids that stayed at each other's houses and never knew a beat of silence. Kids so unaware, and so truthful, and so naive.

He wished they could still take joy in the simple things; in the laughter of bubble blowing, the wonder of a ladybug floating to their fingertips, the delight at a puffy, cloudy sky.

Instead, time gave them this. It gave them ‘complicated’. The kind of complicated that ate away at your heart and stomach and chewed at the rationality of logic. The kind that gave you unbearable itches-- itches that quickly turned to urges and a feeling of confusion in the shower with whirling thoughts of brown eyes.

He walked along to the old familiar park, the gray sky swirling.

He realized he wasn’t alone when he noticed the edge of a shoe, digging into the dirt by the merry-go-round. Tadashi sighed, a small sound, shoulders sagged.

Kei scrunched his brows and came to sit down beside him. Tadashi lifted his head, looked up, brown eyes glassy. He made a small smile before letting it go.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here?” Kei asked as the sky rumbled.

Tadashi shrugged, scratched his neck. “I felt like it.”

Kei furrowed his brows. “Are you okay?”

Tadashi stared at him, contemplating an answer. Kei took in a large breath. He placed his hand on the railing of the playground equipment, swayed them back and forth.

“You hate coming here.”

“What are you talking about? I love playgrounds.”

“Yeah, just not this one.”

“I-- well, it’s... nice to get some fresh air.”

Kei gave him a look. “We practice practically 24/7.”

“Yeah, but that’s practice.”

“Okay, what’s going on with you?” Kei grew irritant, his voice rising. But he was only trying, trying, trying to figure out what was squirming around his head.

Tadashi winced. “I don’t know! Stuff!” He retorted, inching away from him. Kei’s heart stung with the movement.

“I just need to be stronger, that’s all,” Tadashi said beneath his breath. “How can anyone rely on me, call me captain, ask me to teach them things? I just feel so useless sometimes…”

Kei narrowed his eyes. “Who told you that?”

Tadashi seemed to fight with himself, clutching his hands together, twisting them.

“No one had to tell me! That’s just how it is. I’m not-- I know they should’ve picked someone else as captain, but they took a chance with me! I know it should be Hinata. He’s got the most endurance and heart! Or Kageyama, who’s a genius with his skillset! And you-- you, you’re calm and collected and smart and everything else and I’m just… me.”

Tadashi yelled the words, clenched his fists, and felt his face grow hot, his head dizzy. He felt himself shake, then wiped his face, taking in deep breaths.

Kei followed in silence. He let the scramble of words dissipate around them until he felt the last traces of their ache. And then he spoke.

“So what? Do you think sitting here’s going to fix it?”

Tadashi bit his lip and shook his head.

Kei peered up at the sky, pushed up his glasses, then stood.

“Let’s walk then.”

Tadashi stayed silent, eyes glued to the ground for a minute. Then, he nodded, stood with him. He sniffed into his shoulder, refusing to meet Kei’s eyes, and began to walk ahead of him. Kei followed suit, and though they didn't have a destination, at least they were moving.

This was unusual. He usually didn’t have to think about what to say to make him feel better. But, he guessed, this was something beyond fixing. All he had was his form of comfort.

He waited for Tadashi to say something, as he always did when the silence became too large.

Tadashi took a breath.

“I’m sorry--”

“Don’t be,” Kei replied, waving it off. Tadashi made a small smile, and Kei felt a release of air, and he smiled back. Tadashi widened his eyes a bit and looked ahead, craned his neck to marvel the sky.

“And you said it wasn’t gonna rain,” He said, wiping his eyes with a small chuckle.

“I said it wasn’t likely.” Kei watched as a squirrel ran across their path and scurried along the side of a tree.

“I really like that color,” Tadashi said, voice drifting. Kei looked up, watched the bleak gray surround them.

“It’s hardly a color.”

“It’s a good color, Tsukki. It gives us this sky, doesn’t it?” He raised his arm to it as Kei glanced into the grumbling bundle of clouds, then back at him.

Something itched beneath his core. He stopped in his tracks, stood by the edge of the park walkway. Tadashi turned, tilt his head in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, and Kei stepped toward him, reached toward his arm, placed his hand there. But if he had something to say, it became lost in his jumble of thoughts, screeching to a halt. Tadashi stared at him, awkward, smiling to make the situation seem normal.

“You look a little lost,” He chuckled, but felt no humor, just needed to fill the space. He then moved away, slowly, and both felt the heat in their chest.

Tadashi then seemed to find a reasonable explanation, seemed to understand him, and nodded.

“Thanks, Tsukki… I needed a walk.”

Kei retracted his hand, stuffed it deep into his pocket, and nodded back, stiff.

Tadashi gazed at him and nudged his shoulder with his, the raindrop hitting his smile. The two looked up and back toward each other. Tadashi bore a grin and took Kei’s wrist, tugging him along.

“It’s gonna rain!” He said, too happy about the prospect as more drops started to dance along the street. Kei tugged back and inclined his head toward the covering of a park gazebo. Both fled to it as the rain started to pour down. The dancing patterns increased into a single, large thrumming.

Both laughed as they got under the gazebo, and Tadashi pointed at his friend.

“Your hair!”

Kei pushed his hand away from him. “Look at yourself!”

Tadashi felt the strands of his hair sticking out in several places, dripping water to his eyes. Kei bellowed a laugh at him and Tadashi chuckled, told him to quit. He still held his wrist and Kei looked down at their hands, watched as Tadashi let go. He felt something within him bounce around in the pit of his stomach, but it was too confusing a feeling. He’d rather just keep laughing.

“Hey, I remember that!” Tadashi moved to look at the scratching at the side of one of the gazebo’s posts. He pointed at the small lettering, beckoning for Kei to look as well.

“Yeah, you defiled public property.”

“Tsukki, everyone defiled this property-- but look, it’s your handwriting! It was still good, even back then.”

“It was decent at best.”

Tadashi blew out a breath, then moved back, walking around the gazebo and swaying his arms. Kei looked back at him, raised a brow.

“What?”

“Hm? Nothing.”

Kei gave him a deadpanned stare. Tadashi smiled, almost apologetic, looking to the side of him.

“Well, you’re always doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“You just… You kinda don’t know how amazing you are,” Tadashi scratched the back of his neck.

Kei grew silent, eyes showing confusion, and Tadashi, eyes fleeting, blew out another breath.

“You--You know, you never give yourself credit--”

“Neither do you.”

Tadashi paused. “Well, that’s different.”

“Tell me how.” Kei crossed his arms, challenging. Tadashi didn’t know how to answer and only twisted his hands together in a quiet frustration.

“Tsukki! Come on, you know what I’m talking about! You can barely acknowledge anything you do is good enough when all I ever tell you is how amazing you are!”

“I could say the same.”

Tadashi knit his brows. It wasn’t only the words, but the heated way Kei exposed them. The way his eyes seemed almost frightened, letting such a rawness emerge.

“Maybe I just don’t tell you as often. I didn’t think I needed to, but, maybe I do,” Kei said, the words coming out more stern than he’d meant.

A distant sound of thunder echoed in the distance. All he could think of was how the hell did weather always seem to impact a mood, or at least fit it. But maybe this was just a sign of bad storytelling, it sure felt like it.

Tadashi stayed silent, training his eyes on Kei. But the latter couldn’t handle that, so he turned to the rain. It felt too hard, all of it, to make light of something that seemed so simple in his head.

“Hey,” Tadashi reached forward, eyes etched in concern. He took a breath as Kei shifted his eyes around him, and made a soft smile. “I‘m sorry…” he muttered.

Kei looked away. “I told you. You don’t have to be.”

Tadashi nodded. “I know. You just seem upset...”

“You’re the one that’s upset. And I can’t do anything about it.”

Tadashi scrunched his brows and shook his head.

“You always help me feel better. Because you’re here.” He shrugged, his heart thumping, stomach spreading butterflies. “That’s all I need.”

He smiled, genuine, and Kei felt that all too familiar shortening of breath. Then came the guilt, and he wasn't sure of anything, much less the way he found himself looking at his best friend. He didn't know if it were right, to feel something, to want something as strong as he did. It was all chemical based hormones that ruined his insides.

Tadashi pushed his bangs from his eyes as the two shifted. Kei swallowed. He was starting to feel the ache he kept hidden. Tadashi's eyes, that intoxicating brown still held his own. He repressed from surging forward and finally being able to know the feeling of his lips.

Tadashi smiled, small, a question lingering at the base. “You know what I’m glad about?”

Kei turned his head, trying to see if the rain had lessened and shook his head.

Tadashi held his hand above their heads, comparing their heights.

“We’re almost the same height now.”

Kei looked at him, thought he was going to make that same bubbling laugh, thought it was a simple joke or observation. But the complication of time never made anything so simple.

He felt a softness press his mouth, a tingling sensation tickling his lips that he’s never known before. His cheeks burned. Or was that his stomach? No, it was both. Scratch that. His whole face burned and his stomach seemed to lurch in on itself. His breath caught and his lips stung.

A hand touched his cheek and left traces of more tingling as Tadashi’s lips, soft, soft, soft, pecked his own once more before leaving.

Kei stood in the wake of it. Everything seemed to move yet nothing did. Tadashi’s face was still so close, his eyes wide in a different way, breath mingling with his own, a shyness etching his features.

“Oh no... I killed you, didn’t I?” His voice joked as Kei watched his lips, his heart thumping loud, too loud. Did he not hear it?

His throat felt dry.

“Still here,” He breathed, the tingling never leaving his lips as he spoke.

Tadashi chuckled, face still warm. He nudged his shoulder against Kei’s before inching forward, uncertain, feeling every nerve heighten. Then, he wrapped him in a hug.

Kei moved, slow, mechanical. He furrowed his brow, felt a hitch in his throat and an ever-present yearning in his stomach that seemed to be greedy. There was a weird sensation and an unnamable amount of emotion. Only, Tadashi didn’t seem to be swarmed in the same misty cloud that Kei found himself in. For him, the sky was a whirl of gray, his head in a mixed anxiety.

He felt a knot in his stomach, uneasiness for the future. In a moment he’d often dreamed about, it was now a looming worry inside his head.

What did this mean? Did it have to change anything? What did he want? He knew none of these things.

What was worse was that he expected something like this to happen. Complications always happened with time.

Tadashi drew back, the rain beating in smaller drops, and a notable quiet surrounding them. He looked up, shyly.

“You’re… okay, right?”

Kei wasn’t sure, he wasn’t sure the definition of ‘okay’. He didn’t know how to feel at the moment. Happy? Confused? Regretful? Greedy? God, he didn’t know.

“I’m sorry…” Tadashi moved away, clung his arms to himself, hugged them around his waist. “I made it weird. I’m sorry. It doesn’t have to be weird-- I… I just thought… I thought-- I don’t know. I’m so sorry.”

It took a moment for Kei to resurface. He shook his head.

“Don’t,” he said, finding his voice.

Tadashi waited for him to say something more, but Kei felt a storm in his stomach.

Instead, he reached forward, hugged his friend again. Tadashi instantly fell into the embrace, perhaps taking it as a sign that things would be normal, or at the very least that Kei would be fine.

But Kei didn’t know.

He knew nothing about this sort of stuff. He only knew how to be his friend. But it was useless to fret about it now, to overanalyze now, to ruin a good moment now.

Maybe, with time, he could figure it all out. He could figure out something at least.

Or it could just keep confusing him.


End file.
